made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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