He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
