yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
