She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
