How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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