woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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