He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
