Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
