Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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