he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize