i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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