Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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