Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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