after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
