whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
