check it out our google latitudes are spooning
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
