I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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