Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
