I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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