how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
