Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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