Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize