nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
