talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
