New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
