i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
