I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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