Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
