You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
