I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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