two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
