But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
