Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
