Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
