please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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