i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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