I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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