Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
