i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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