I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
