okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
