Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
