508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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