she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
