My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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