i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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