my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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