i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
