Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
