just survived the first fart of the relationship.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
