Someone shit on the floor
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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