The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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