Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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