You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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