The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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