Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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