Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
