i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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