I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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