So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
