i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
