Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
