His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
