why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
