So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
