Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
