Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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