I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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