i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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