I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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