His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
