For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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