How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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