He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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