Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
